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As a dating coach, lots of people ask me: how can I find the "right one"? How can I meet the love of my life? How can I meet the person of my dreams?
Do you know how to get the one that you want? Here are some steps that will take you to the person who is looking for you:
Get your work life in order.
Start with your career. What do you want to do? Who do you want to be? What are you doing to accomplish it? Having a career ...or, a career path...is your personal challenge that no one else can do for you. It gives you purpose; it gives you the means to support yourself
so you aren't out there looking for someone to do it for you; it gives you a center of gravity. And most of all... How can your true love find you if you don't show up with an identity?
Find your success.
Not only do you need a career to take care of yourself...you want to be GOOD at it. Are you admired? Is your family proud of you? Are you taking the actions to bring you the expertise you need to be on top of your game? Are you making the amount of money you feel is necessary for peace and contentment? If not...why not? Find the professional help you need to hone your skills, build your bank account, and bring you your goals. Complaining about what isn't working is a turn off. Seeking answers and going for it is admirable. And success is very, very attractive.
Get your personal life in order.
Is your home de-cluttered and your living space ready to welcome someone in? If you met someone now...would you have room for them in your schedule? Do you have loyal friends, people who you care about, activities you love to do, and your own little village of support that helps your life hum along? Other people want to be around you when you are taking great care of your own life.
Develop a discipline around self care.
Do you treat yourself the way you want others to treat you? Do you LISTEN to yourself...paying attention to your own inner voice? Are you kind, attentive, and caring about your needs? Do you affirm yourself often, saying encouraging words to cheer yourself on? Do you take yourself to nice places you can afford, find good people to share with, and make sure you balance work with some fun in your life? Finding someone to love
you and treat you well starts with you setting the example of deep self care.
The point to the above list is this:
most people are out there looking for someone to GIVE them these qualities.
This is YOUR job. When you give them to yourself...and show up in places where your love can find you...you will come together like two magnets!
Notes from the Beach
You know how focus, determination, and a strong work ethic works for you—until it doesn’t? Sometimes, my best intentions can turn a corner…and there I am…cranky, head achey, and looking at life upside-down. All of that was going on a few weeks ago when the Love of My Life said… “Let’s run away to the beach!” We did.
The French side of St Martin Island is hilly, tropical, and has the best food ever. The sauces…the vegetables…the profiteroles! (Puff pastry with ice cream and chocolate sauce.) Now that will get your head straight! Eating, swimming, snorkeling, walking on the beach, and being perfectly lazy got me sorted out. No deadlines; no goals to be met; no me giving me too many things to do. I needed an escape from my directives.
Do you ever get tired of yourself? Would you like to give that nagging whisperer a rest? I've had plenty of times in the past when I didn’t have the luxury of escaping to the beach…but I could have cut myself a break by being a kinder voice. I could have even added a few words of encouragement. Then, I might have been a lot more allowing… approachable… and welcoming.
You know deep down that's the person you’re longing to be…with yourself, and others. And that’s the person your True Love is looking for.